So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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