You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
