Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
