Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
