You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
