Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
