dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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