Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
and you fell through a lawn chair
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
