if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
