i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
