and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
