the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
It's Friday. Sex?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
