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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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