It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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