Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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