I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
