We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
