I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
