this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
