Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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