yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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