Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
