i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
