Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
