I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
