To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
