I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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