My liver just broke up with me...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
