Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
