He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
