His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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