He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
