it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
this hospital has no fireball
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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