I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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