why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
