So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
