If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
