Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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