Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
