You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
