direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
