My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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