I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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