when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
