We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
