So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
