Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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