She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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