I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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