Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
