onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
