i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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