me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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