My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
